Break Room Discussions
by Elly Leaverton
Summary: Duo and Hilde need to face a serious issue before it tears them and the Preventers apart. Tissue-warning!


Break Room Discussions

Break Room Discussions 

By Elly Leaverton 

Scene One (An Uncomfortable Discussion) 

Sally pushed aside the vertical blinds of the Preventer's break room. She gasped when she saw who was entering the building. 

"What?" asked Lady Une, holding a freshly poured cup of coffee. 

"She's here," said Sally. 

"No," exclaimed Lady Une. She walked to the window to see for herself. "It is her. Why would she do this? I told her to take at least two weeks." 

"You should talk to her," said Sally. 

"No, I don't want to upset her. It's best not to bring it up." Lady Une looked down at her coffee mug as if the depths of it held answers for her. 

Sally sighed deeply. "Your right. If she wants to come back so soon, it's up to her." 

"Yes," Lady Une agreed. 

The break room door opened and a cheerful Hilde stood in the doorway. Her face brightened when she saw the room's occupants. 

"Hi Sally! Hi Lady Une!" said Hilde. "Hope someone made coffee!" 

Sally blinked stupidly. 

Lady Une tried to fill in the gap with a quick, "Yes, but it's strong. I think Wufei made it." 

Hilde made a face. "Yuck! I'll have to cut it with milk then." Absentmindedly, Hilde placed a hand on her lower back as if supporting it and walked over to the coffee maker. 

Startled, Lady Une and Sally looked at each other. Lady Une gave Sally an imperceptible shake of her head. 

Hilde stood sideways to the counter as she poured cream and milk into her mug. With a pause and a start, she realized what she was doing. She turned and faced the counter to finish the process. 

"So where is Wufei?" Hilde asked. 

"I sent him out with D...Duo this morning," said Lady Une. 

"Poor Wufei!" cried Hilde. "He hates to patrol with Duo." Hilde turned to face the two women with her mug in hand. She brought one arm up under her breasts, then looked down. She corrected the motion by crossing her arms properly. 

"He won't mind Duo much today," said Sally. 

Lady Une shot a glare at Sally. Sally blushed and looked down at her mug. 

"Oh?" asked Hilde. "Why is that?" 

"What Sally means to say is Duo looked a little tired this morning. She doesn't think he'll bother Wufei today," Lady Une said smoothly. 

Hilde looked down and tugged at the front of her shirt. "Yes, he is tired. We both were a little tired this morning." 

"Well, Hilde, I was thinking of having you review the satellite data this morning. You have the best eyes for it." Lady Une watched Hilde pull the front of her shirt smooth. She felt a pang in her heart for the younger woman. First Duo walked through like a zombie, now this. 

Hilde forced a smile. "Yes, I love running the data. Just my spying nature I guess. Love to look at all those other people. My own private soap opera!" 

The three women chuckled softly. They all took drinks from their mugs, not looking at each other. 

The break room door opened and all three women looked to see Heero standing there. 

"Good Morning," he said in his quiet neutral tone. He scanned the room and his eyes came to rest on Hilde. 

"Hilde," he said with just a touch of surprise. 

"Good Morning Heero." 

He walked over to her and took her by the shoulders. "I'm so sorry." He pulled her into a gentle hug. 

"Oh, it's all right Heero," Hilde said as she returned the hug. "There's always next time." She pulled away. "I have to go read the sat data now." She stepped around him and walked towards the door. 

Lady Une and Sally watched with concern in their eyes. Heero turned as she moved past him. 

In the doorway, Hilde paused and looked at each person briefly, not making eye contact with any of them. 

"Don't worry about us, you three," said Hilde in her forced cheerful voice. "Duo and I have made it through a lot worse than this. We'll be fine." Her voice cracked slightly on the last word. 

Hilde quickly pulled the door shut behind her. She leaned on the closed door, as a few tears escaped from her eyes. 

"Damn," she said as the emptiness choked her. "Maybe it was too soon?" 

Original end 

Now the rest 

Scene 2 

Sally pushed open the door to the break room and scanned it. It was empty. Good. She stepped inside glad for the comfort of the cheerful room. She breathed deeply in and out as if trying to loosen steel bands constricting her chest. 

She glanced about the room. The walls were lined with safety posters. There were three rather lived-in couches set up in a semi-circle to the right and a kitchenette to the left complete with the object of her desire. The coffee maker. 

Maybe caffeine would cure the ache in her soul? She walked toward the kitchenette with single-minded determination. She fished her favorite cup out of the dishwasher and swung it over toward the sweet-smelling brew. 

In her haste, she upset the basket of tea-packets sitting on the counter. More than fifty little tea packets scattered all over the floor. 

This was too much. 

The tension of this past week overwhelmed her. Her eyes blurred as she sank to her knees to pick up the packets. 

"Get a grip, Sally!" she scolded herself. "Stupid..." 

In the back of her mind, images played. The awkward scene in the break room. The look on Hilde's face. Walking by her office every day to hear the quiet sobbing. The silence that filled the entire Preventers' building. No one smiled, no one told jokes, everyone listened and worried. They watched Duo and Hilde move through like automatons. 

Tears spilled down her cheeks and she sniffed loudly. 

"Damn it!" She wiped at her face with the back of her sleeve. What would Wufei say if he saw her now? He'd call her a 'bleeding-heart'. She'd loose all the hard work she'd put in to get him to think of her as an equal. 

She swept the tea packets into a pile in front of her while still scolding herself. 

"Stupid! Stupid tears!" But they continued to fall. 

The doorknob turned with a loud click. Sally ducked her head down quickly and tried to look busy cleaning up the tea packets. She did her best to silently sniff and covertly wipe her eyes. 

She risked a quick glance up to see who had entered. 

Wufei. 

Damn! Had she hidden her tears quickly enough? 

"Sally?" asked Wufei. "What happened?" 

"Oh I just knocked over the tea basket!" She smiled over at him. "Now I'm playing fifty-two packet pick-up." She forced a smile at the dumb joke then she ducked her head back down and busily grabbed at stray packets. 

A napkin fell across her vision. She looked up to see Wufei holding it out to her. 

"What's this for?" she asked, trying to sound casual. 

"You're eyes and nose," he replied. 

"Damn," she grumbled and took it to wipe at the offending features. She closed her eyes and pressed them with the napkin as if trying to squeeze out the sting of sadness. 

When she opened her eyes again she found herself face to face with Wufei. He had squat down to look at her. She started and backed up. 

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" he asked again. 

"Oh it's nothing Wufei. Just tension tears. It happens to most everyone every now and then." 

He raised his eyebrows. 

"Yes well, men usually get mad and hit something instead of crying but it's all the same emotion." She stood up and put the tea basket back in its spot. She turned around. "Don't look at me like that, Wufei. I'll get out my textbooks and prove to you that it's normal. And don't think I haven't noticed you've doubled your workout time this week. You're not immune either." 

He blinked in surprise. "I hadn't thought of it that way. I just felt like training more." 

"Yeah, well, surprise! It's tension stress." 

"Yes but why are you stressed?" he asked. 

"Oh God, Wufei! You haven't been here. You don't know about Hilde. Take a walk around. She cries in her office with the door closed but we can all hear it. Everything is so silent. No one talks above a whisper. It's just finally got to me is all." She scooped up the coffeepot and poured some into her mug. 

"And, you're telling me I work out every night because of Duo?" 

"Don't you?" she asked. "You spend all day with him." 

"It hadn't occurred to me. He's so damn quiet. I never thought I'd ever complain about Duo being quiet...but," he paused, then forced himself to tell her, "it makes my skin crawl." 

Sally nodded, "Emotional bleed-over. Even a Long warrior is not immune." She walked over to the nearest couch and sat down. She cradled her coffee mug in both hands letting its warmth seep into the bones of her hands. 

"I'm going to do something about it," announced Wufei. 

"No, there's nothing you can do. This is between Duo and Hilde. We just have to live through it." She watched him come around the couch and sit in the one opposite her. 

He stood up again having only sat for a few nanoseconds. "But if this is affecting the whole office..." 

"It is, but that's Lady Une's responsibility." She watched him pace before her. 

"Has she done anything?" he demanded. 

"I don't know." 

"I'm going." 

"Wufei, don't get involved." 

He glared at her. "Sally! How many more tears must you shed?" 

"Damn it! You can stop tears Wufei. It's not something you can just fix." 

He opened the door, "Yes it is!" 

"You'll only make it worse..." she called after his disappearing form. 

"Men!" she exclaimed. 

The word echoed in the empty room. 

Scene Three 

The break room was quiet in the afternoon sun. The aroma of a freshly brewed pot of coffee filled the air. It was the afternoon brew-50% decaffeinated. The small window in the kitchenette stood open to let the spring air in. The gentle breeze stirred the newspaper laid out on the coffee table. 

Duo smacked the door wide open. "Afternoon brew! Here I come." 

Wufei followed Duo into the room. Today, Duo had changed from the zombie to something much worse--a man pretending nothing was wrong. The forced smiles and showy bravado did not fool Wufei. 

"Duo, we need to talk." Wufei followed the brown haired man over to the kitchenette. 

"We've been talking all day," said Duo as he poured a cup of afternoon brew. 

"It would've been inappropriate to speak of this while on duty." 

Duo turned to lock eyes with Wufei. Then he turned back to the counter and the coffee. 

"Don't let me down, Wufei" said Duo with a note of something in his voice. 

"What?" 

"I said, don't let me down." Duo faced him squarely setting his coffee mug down on the counter. 

"I heard you. What do you mean by that?" 

"I was happy to get patrol duty with you because I knew you'd never bring up personal issues. If I got Sally or even Heero, I'd have to listen to crap. But you? Naw. No. Not you. Don't let me down now." 

"You are trying to manipulate me into not saying this, but it will not work." Wufei folded his arms across his chest. "Your incompetence with this issue is effecting the whole Preventer organization, and I will not sit by and let it happen." 

"My incompetence!" Duo spat the words. "I don't need this crap from you!" 

"You have neglected your woman." Wufei pointed at Duo's chest with an accusatory finger. "She cries in her office everyday! Did you know that?" 

Duo's face flushed red, his voice deepened and slowed. "Wufei, you've crossed the line. I'm warning you. Back off now." 

"I see it doesn't bother you then," Wufei barreled on like a lit fuse toward dynamite. "That your woman cries at work, that her crying effects others, that I found Sally in here crying because of the stress." 

"Oh I see where this is coming from. Hell, Wufei, you wanna talk about neglecting a woman..." 

"Don't change the subject!" snapped Wufei. 

"You and these other assholes don't give a damn about us! You don't get it. Do you? I lost her too!" 

Duo swept the tea basket off the counter. It smacked against the wall. Tea packets rained down everywhere. Wufei wasn't given time to speak. 

"I suppose THAT doesn't matter to you does it?" Duo's mouth curled into a snarl. He raised his voice to a mocking pitch. "Don't neglect Hilde, Duo! Stop giving us stress, Duo! Well, fuck you! What about me?" 

"What about you? What kind of a man are you to be selfish when someone who depends on you is in need?" 

"Selfish!" Duo roared and flew at Wufei in a rage. Wufei sidestepped the punch. He caught Duo's arm and swung it around behind his back. Then Wufei stepped forward and slammed Duo up against the wall. 

Wufei had Duo pinned. Duo could not break the hold without dislocating his own arm. 

"Yes, selfish, " Wufei snarled into his captive's ear. "Whining and complaining about something that didn't happen to you. You haven't been through even a tiny fraction of what your woman has. Have you even looked at her this past week?" 

"Let me go!" Duo yelled as he struggled, but Wufei's grip held. 

"She doesn't eat. She looks tired. I won't even bother to ask you if she sleeps at night because I doubt you noticed." 

"I'll rip you limb from limb!" shouted Duo. 

"You don't deserve her...you don't deserve the honor of being a husband!" snarled Wufei. "And if you keep this up she's going to realize it and leave you like you deserve, or kill herself. Either way, you'll fail." 

"You bastard!" Duo grit his teeth. "You don't know anything!" 

"Don't I?" Wufei asked with a mocking tone. "Fine. Do it your way-pretend nothing happened and everything is fine. You will be the cause of her death." 

Wufei slammed Duo once more against the wall and held him there for a long minute. As the minute crept by, something broken in Duo like a popped water balloon. Wufei noticed. Then with a noise of disgust, he released his hold and stepped back. Duo did not turn around, but let his released arm drop to his side. Unable to vent his anger on Wufei, Duo's emotions came out another way. 

"You disgust me." Wufei said to Duo's trembling back. 

"I'm god-damn fucking crying, Wufei. Are you happy now?" snarled Duo as he wiped his face with quick jerking motions. 

Wufei walked to the break room door. He'd said everything he'd planned on saying. He'd leave the man to his emotions. 

"Wufei!" shouted Duo. 

Wufei looked at Duo with contempt. "Pull yourself together, Maxwell." 

Wufei opened the break room door quick enough to startle the half-dozen or so office workers who were hovering there. They quickly evaporated, trying to look busy and innocent, as Wufei stepped into the hall and pulled the door closed behind him. The sound of Duo's quiet sobs disappeared with the closing of the door. 

He looked up to see Sally leaning on the wall opposite the door. Her arms were crossed and she was staring at him. 

He locked gazes with her. His hands curled into fists at his sides. His eyes flashed as he faced her. 

Her eyelids drooped. She pushed away from the wall and raised her shoulders in a shrug. She dropped them with a sigh. 

Wufei let his face and hands relax. One corner of his mouth rose slightly. 

Sally jerked her head in the direction of the office. 

Wufei nodded and they both walked away. 

Scene Four 

From the break room window, a park stretched in the Saturday morning sun. Children played on the metal jungle gyms and swing-sets. Happy on the same toys which had served children for as long as there were children and laughter. The warm sunshine filtered into the quiet room, heating a bare patch of tile. It was the only light in the room. 

Hilde stood at the window looking out at the children playing below in the park. She watched their happy smiles and cherub faces, but did not reflect the feeling herself. She felt cold. As cold as the cup of coffee in her hand which had long since lost all warmth. Her legs ached from standing there, but she ignored it. 

Her cheeks were pale and hollow. Black circles framed her dull eyes. Her hair was tussled and stood up in odd places. The large shirt she wore hung on her body like the clothes of a scarecrow. 

She was so completely lost in her own thoughts, she didn't hear the door open behind her. 

"So here you are," said Duo. 

Her eyes widened and she started at the sound. But she didn't look around. Her eyes were locked on the children beneath her. 

He stepped up to the window next to hers and looked out. A frown creased his brow when he saw the objects of her gaze. He glanced at her, then back to the window. 

"You didn't come home last night," Hilde said without emotion. 

"I went for a walk," he replied. "I had a lot of thinking to do." 

"All night? You could've called." 

"I should have. Why are you here?" he asked. 

"I felt like working," she replied with a slight lift of her shoulders. "I left you a note so you wouldn't worry." 

"I found it." He reached forward and fingered the window latch. Click. Clack. Click. 

"Did you need something?" she asked. 

He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "Hilde, I...I made a mistake." 

"When?" 

Duo made a noise in the back of his throat. "When this whole thing happened." 

"There were no mistakes, Duo. You know better than to blame yourself like that." Hilde spoke without emotion, her eyes never leaving the park. 

Duo's eyes flickered from the latch he was staring at to his wife and back. "I don't..." He paused and tried again. "I don't blame myself for what happened. I blame myself for after." His voiced died away to a whisper on the last word. 

"After?" Her voice was distant. Not really listening. 

"We should've had a funeral." He whispered. 

"No!" Her voice startled him with its volume. "We agreed. It wasn't right." 

"We were wrong." He looked at her profile. He turned to face her, letting go of the latch. 

"I didn't want to go through that." 

"And I let you run away from it." He spoke to the ridged form in front of him. 

"Let me?" There was a slight note to her voice. 

"That was the mistake I made." 

"Why are you bring this up now?" she demanded. 

"Hilde, I've been useless. I've been walking around like the dead. Not seeing or hearing or helping. I went along with your wishes because I was in so much pain it was just easier. I didn't want to deal with it or you. I let you down when you needed me." 

"I don't see that, Duo" 

"I do!" he said in a sudden outburst of volume. 

"I don't want to talk about this!" She turned away from the window and tried to flee to the door. 

Duo was faster. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face him. "I won't let you run away again, Hilde!" 

She slapped him. A sharp sound of skin hitting skin rattled them both. Duo gave a quick shake of his head and ignored it. 

"Listen to me, " he commanded. "I told you back when we first met that I fought to put smiles back on people's faces. Somewhere along the line I started fighting for just one smile. You became the most important person to me on that colony. Yours became the smile I was fighting for, and I'd give anything to be able to get in Deathscthye again if I thought for just one second that he could help me make you smile again." 

Hilde started to shake. She tossed her head from side to side. "Duo...stop! Please!" 

"No I won't! This...this is something I can't fight with a Gundam. This is something we need to fight together." 

"It will go away!" Hilde's eyes glinted in the sunlight. Tears she thought were long gone surfaced once again. "We just need time! ...Space!" 

She pulled out of his grasp and faced the door. "I just need time," she announced. "Time to figure out what I did wrong." 

"Hilde..." Duo grabbed her hand, but she pulled it away. 

"No!" Hilde cried. "I think maybe I didn't eat right. Or maybe I slept wrong!" Hilde sobbed, her shoulders jerking. She spun around to look at Duo. "Oh! Why won't anyone tell me what I did wrong? They keep hiding it from me!" 

Duo sank to his knees in front of her. "No Hilde, you didn't do anything wrong! Please don't do this to yourself!" 

"It's my fault!" cried Hilde. "Don't you see? Somehow I didn't want it enough." 

Duo reached forward and hugged Hilde about the middle, pressing his head to her stomach. "You didn't do anything wrong! You didn't!" He spoke with conviction. "These feelings...this sorrow...it won't go away. We must say good bye to her, together!" 

"Her?" Hilde's eyes widened. "It was a girl?" 

"Aw Hilde...you didn't even ask that?" He looked up into her eyes. 

She turned her head away. "I didn't want to know," she whispered. "I thought, if I knew then every little girl I saw at about her age would make me think of her. Make me feel sad as if that could've been her." 

"But Hilde, you'll think that no matter what child you look at...until we face this. You'll waste yourself away thinking like that." He stood up and slipped his fingers under her chin and pulled her head around to face him. Her tear stained face felt like a physical blow to his heart. 

"Duo." She pleaded with her eyes and face. "There's nothing to do. Nothing to face. Please don't make me suffer anymore." 

"You're wrong, love. There's something I have to tell you. Something you wouldn't let me tell you before." He slid his hand down her arm to grasp her hand. "Come to the window, Hilde, please." 

Hilde let herself be led to the window. "Duo...I..." 

"Shhh," he whispered. "Look there." 

He pointed out the window to a hill in the distance. Hilde followed the direction he was pointing turning her body away from him. He stepped up behind her and pulled her into himself with an arm across her shoulders. 

"Do you see that hill?" He asked his voice floating down above her ear. 

She nodded. 

"They gave me her ashes..." he started. 

"Oh no Duo no!" She tried to turn but he held her fast. 

"You must hear this! You told me to deal with them. You told me you didn't want to know. Well, no more running away. I spread them there on that hill." 

Hilde choked a sob, but gasped out a single word: "Why?" 

Duo put his head down to nestle against her cheek. "Because from there she can see two things. This building where we work, and the school." 

"School?" 

He nodded into her neck. "That way she can watch over us and her brothers and sisters." 

Hilde burst into uncontrollable tears. Sobs racked her whole body. 

Duo was surprised. "Aw Hilde, I thought...knowing that would help." 

She turned around and threw her arms about his middle. She buried her face in his chest as her sorrow ebbed and flowed away. 

"Hilde, don't be like that. Did I do it wrong? I'm sorry. I know I should've had you come with me, but I..." 

Hilde raised her tear stained face to look into his eyes. A hint of joy shined in her eyes through the sorrow. "Oh Duo! It's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard!" 

Duo was confused. "So...it was a good thing to do?" 

She nodded. "Yes, it was." She slid around his body so she could look out the window again while clutching his side. "It's perfect. Our guardian angel." 

"That's what I thought too." He smiled in spite of himself. 

"And you want to try again?" She asked looking up at him. 

"Of course, Hilde. I was serious when I agreed to start a family. Didn't you believe me?" He looked down at her. 

"I did, but I thought that after this...well it was silly but I thought..." she stammered. 

"What? That I don't want you? That I wouldn't want to risk it again? That I would change my mind?" 

She frowned up at him and said "Yes" in barely a whisper. 

"Which part?" 

"All of it..." 

"Hilde," he grasped her shoulders in both of his hands and turned so he could look directly at her. "I will always want you. Your smile is the thing I live for. And I will give you a hundred babies, hell I will give you everything that's in my power to give just to preserve your smile." 

"I love you, Duo." Hilde said with her whole body. 

"I love you too. And even more than that, I love your dreams for us. I love our future children. And," he said looking out the window and hugging her, "I love her, our angel. She is beautiful." 

"I love her too. We should name her..." 

"We just did: Angel." 

Hilde nodded, "Angel Maxwell." 

He kissed the top of her head. 

"Duo?" 

"Hmmm?" 

She sighed. "I'm not done being sad about this." 

He rested his cheek on her head. "I don't expect you to be. I just expect you not to do it alone and not to blame yourself." 

"Okay." Her arms tighten around him. "I'll try." The silence lengthened as the two gazed out the window. Finally, Hilde looked up a Duo. "Let's go there." 

"To the hill?" 

She nodded. 

"To say good bye?" 

"Yes," she whispered. 

He stepped back and clasped her hand in his. He raised it to his lips and kissed her fingers. He led her to the door. Without a backward glance, they walked out together. The door to the break room closed with a soft click. 

A small breeze upset the safety posters pined to a billboard. As the posters rustled in the wind a card hidden behind one slipped its pin and fell to the ground. On its cover was a sticky note that read: "Everyone sign this! And don't show D or H!" The note was dated over three weeks ago. The front showed a goofy picture of a baby with these words: "Your First Baby! Soon your life will be filled with laughter and the joyous sounds of a child..." Inside, surrounded by well-wishing signatures, was the punch line "...no matter what time it is! Congratulations from all of us!" 

A strong gust scooped the card into the air. It danced about the room before fluttering out the open kitchen window into the laughter and joyous sounds of the children below. 

The End 

This fan fiction is written for entertainment only, the author does not claim to own any part of Gundam Wing. Please do not distribute. Gundam Wing © Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu Agency.


End file.
